Saturday, May 23, 2009

Hell Hath No Fury

Jake writes:

True story. So there's a cat that hangs out in my front yard every night when I get home from work and man this thing is not friendly. Every time I walk up to it, it starts hissing and gets ready to attack. In fact, the other night I got home and I swung with my hand to shoo it away and it came back with a right claw and got me pretty good. What do I do?

My Response:

Have you ever heard, "You're once, twice, three times a lady?" Man, I love The Commodores!

But I digress, this feisty feline sounds brutal and must be dealt with in the same manner that you would a psycho ex-girlfriend.

I like your inital response to take a swing at the animal, but it looks like this little kitty is a pro and knows her way around an uncompromising man. Anymore physical action will send you straight to the emergency room.

Forget the Cat Scratch Fever and go straight for the mental tactics. This is where she will shine but you have one huge advantage over her: you're a man! And as such, you'll have no problem outwitting this crazy dame. Invite her to dinner, but make her drive so that you don't have to waste your gas; Meet her folks, and then take every opportunity to remind her mother that you sure hope her daughter doesn't inherit her cankles; and to top it all off, tell her how much she reminds you of your last ex-girlfriend which you refer to as "the one that got away."

Take my advice and you'll have Tigerlily checking herself in at your local Humane Society!

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